Synthesis Coaching

Overwhelmed Facing A Major Life Transition? Try Starting With This

In the fall, I wrote a blog post about my friend Gina who wanted to revamp her NYC apartment. Gina did begin this process — and due to some unexpected shifts in her life she's now ready to re-create her life to something even better.

If you know me at all, you know Gina's readiness is music to my ears — I'm all about re-creating

 

one's life to be even better than before.

What is one of the first tasks Gina should do to move toward her transition?

Organize !!

Here's how organizing will help Gina:

• Bring Clarity to What's Important: Moving toward a major life transition is a wonderful adventure...and like any adventure you need to decide what to bring along! Does she really need ALL of her college textbooks? Does she really need all the notes from a former work project? Gina has 16 flower vases!!! Does she really need all of them?

• Stay Calm and Focus: When a major transition hits we tend to get overwhelmed and our thoughts are scattered because we're usually thinking about many different things. The process of organizing and cleaning is a terrific way for Gina to get something accomplished while her subconscious mind is working behind the scene toward "the right" solution.

• Actively demonstrate to HERSELF that she IS moving forward: It's easy to get caught in the endless loop of not being sure what to do, or not being sure what the best solution is. Organizing will help Gina demonstrate to HERSELF that she IS taking charge and moving forward.

Got a change you're contemplating making?  I thought so :).

The adventures to transformation ™ challenge for today is to commit to getting organized. Let me know how it goes and how this helped get you ready to fly!

I invite you to click the Comment link below.

And The Adventure Begins....

Change and adventure have been on my mind quite a bit this week.

I found this great quote about the adventure of change:

It takes a lot of courage to release the familiar and seemingly secure, to embrace the new. But there is no real security in what is no longer meaningful. There is more security in the adventurous and exciting, for in movement there is life, and in change there is power.

Alan Cohen

Since it's summertime and a Friday with the weekend ahead, I'd like you to ponder the questions, "What change is wanting to unfold? How can I look at it with a fresh perspective to be an adventure?

I'd really love to hear what your experience is when you dig deep into this question for yourself — what is either holding you back or has given you the strength to embrace the new.

I invite you to click the "Comment" section below let me know.

Keeping Life Straight When Things Take a Left Turn

The conversation at last night's women's gathering centered around change — one woman is facing the difficult decision of leaving her abusive husband and another is coping with the sudden loss of her mother.

Change is NEVER easy. The women in my group are coping with painful and difficult changes, but even happy changes create stress. You know those happy changes like having a baby, moving to a new location, starting a new job, getting married, etc.

And then of course, there is the "when it rains it pours" phenomena —we find ourselves with multiple changes and challenges hitting us all at once! 

What can you do when you're bombarded my multiple changes? How can you keep your life straight when it suddenly takes a sharp LEFT turn?

Check out Sandra Levitin interviewing me on Kalon Women Business Radio to discover 3 mini-adventures to turn even the most difficult challenges into adventures to transformation. Listen to our 15 minute interview here.

I'll also be speaking more about this topic at The Reinvention Convention in October.

I invite you to click the "Comment" hyperlink at the bottom of the page and leave a comment.

Stuck? Avoid Analysis Paralysis and Get Moving (Finally)

Analysis Paralysis is a common cause of being stuck and it can be down right sneaky. Analysis paralysis can trick us — we're busy, busy, busy....yet we're just spinning our wheels!

• Do you see yourself in any of these behaviors?

• Wanting to have "all your ducks in a row" before you get started?

• Wanting to learn everything you can before you take action?

• Wanting to wait until the right time?

• Wanting to get more information and continue researching before moving ahead?

• Wanting to make a decision yet not making any decision?

Successful people are those who take *action* on their ideas and projects and focus on what they want — in spite of the fact that they don't have every aspect figured out. Most times we get an opportunity to fill in those blanks once we get started.

Here are 5 tips I use with my clients to get past *stuck* and into *action*:

1. Set a deadline: Decide how much time you will allocate to your project. Use your calendar as the powerful tool it is!

2. Get An Accountability Partner: Go out and get yourself support from your coach and others who will cheer you forward to success. I"m learning that it's really impossible to have too much support!

3. Take the Emotion Away: Sometimes we get stuck in analysis paralysis because we're fighting an emotion regarding the situation. A great way to take the emotion out of it is too write down the pros and cons on paper or do a mind map.

4. Kill Your Sacred Cows: Too often our analysis is colored by what's happened in the past. Memory is great but it can be a tyrant! Look at your situation with fresh eyes and don't be swayed by what worked in the past or by what is customarily done.

5. Forgo Perfection: Strive to be your best rather than perfect. Continually spending time and energy on being perfect means you're bogged down and ultimately unproductive.

I invite you to share what's worked for you in getting free of the "sneaky" grip of analysis paralysis.

Adventures to Transformation™ Interview Series: Jane Pollak of Soul Proprietor

In today's 15-minute interview, I chat with my friend and colleague, Jane Pollak of Jane Pollak, inc. and author of Soul Proprietor.

Jane's been a successful entrepreneur for 30 years and is a professional speaker, author, and certified coach.

We discover a few secret's to Jane's success:

• The rituals and routines she uses to keep her on her path
• How she deals with the inevitable obstacles on her entrepreneurial adventure
• What the view is from where she is now
  
• What's next for her

Have a listen! I welcome your comments.

It's Your Business to Set Boundaries - Part 2

Summertime — with family coming to visit you "down the shore" from out of town — offers opportunities to practice setting boundaries.

An earlier post was focused on personal boundaries, but since my client is a business owner too, there are also boundaries that she needs to have in place for her business.

What are boundaries?

Boundaries are the commitments you make to yourself. Your boundaries are yours alone and need to fit you *with no apologies *.

Some business boundaries are:

• Communicate Clearly. Let your clients know when you will be vacationing and unable to handle issues. I remember receiving an auto-respond message from Jane Pollak last summer that informed me Jane was on holiday and checking messages less frequently, once in the morning and once at night.
  

• Set and adhere to policies about your work hours. When I asked Lena West to make an upcoming session with her at 9:00 am, she politely reminded me that "we open for business at 10:00 am."

• Setting minimum project or session fees. This can be telling your clients, "my minimum project fee is $" or "session fees range from $ to $$$ depending on services provided".

Terri Lonier at Working Solo talked about business boundaries in a recent newsletter. Click here to read it.

Keep in mind that business relationships, like personal relationships, are based on give and take. From time to time it's OK to break your own rules —  that's part of the adventure of running your own business.

What adventure are you having with setting and maintaining your boundaries — be it in your personal life this summer or in your work/business? 

Make yours an adventure to transformation ™ !

It's Your Business to Set Boundaries - Part 1

My client Heather (not her real name) ended our session by telling me that her sister was coming for a visit with her two kids and their friends.

Heather told me she was a bit worried because her sister wasn't sure exactly when they would leave, and suddenly there would be four teenagers at the house (including her own)......and to top it all off, Heather owns her own business and has a deadline for a new client.

Since we live in Rhode Island by the ocean, this is a common occurence for lots of us each summer.

What should she do? Heather really does want to hang out and have some "girl talk" with her sister at the beach — but she also has to work.

Heather needs to set clear boundaries. But what are boundaries anyway?

Boundaries are the commitments you make to yourself. Your boundaries are yours alone and need to fit you *with no apologies *.

So, here's the "boundary plan" that we came up with:

1. Heather would call her sister and let her know about her new client and deadline. (She had neglected to do this in the initial conversation because she was afraid her sister would get the "wrong idea" and not come to visit.
2. Ask her sister to leave her kid's friends at home.
3. Get a definite date of when her sister would arrive and leave.
4. Go over her work schedule with her sister so that they could devise a plan for when her sister would whisk away the kids and allow Heather to have the needed quiet to concentrate on the needs of her clients.

What summer adventures are you having with family and friends? Where can you practice setting your own boundaries?

Since, women business owners have boundaries that need to be set too, stay tuned cuz I'll be addressing business boundaries too.

To your own adventures to transformation ™ !

Feeling Stuck? Get Moving With This One Simple Exercise

You're stuck. Somethings amiss in your life but you're not even sure what. The routine you've fallen into now feels dull and worn out. Hmmm....but your inner voice is telling you there is something else out there for you. Bad news, you have absolutely NO idea of what that "something else" is.

After trying (forcefully) to understand what was happening a few years ago in my life, my coach suggested a tool that was the catalyst for shifting the energy and getting me re-connected again.

Yep, I know you've already guessed it...a timer!

Here's how it works:

1. Get rid of all distractions. Turn off the phone, TV, computer and take yourself somewhere you can be alone and uninterrupted for 15 minutes. Since the weather is gorgeous now — go outside and sit under a tree. Bring a notebook and pen.

2. Relax for a few minutes outside...listen to the birds and the wind moving through the trees. Set your timer for 15 minutes.

3. Write down (without over-analyzing) 100 things that you want to do, people you'd like to meet, places you'd like to see..........write down the first ideas that come to you.  Write down everything that comes to mind, especially if it's those wild and crazy ideas that we usually push away.

Halfway through the exercise you may start to feel gooey and loosened up. The exercise starts to feel a bit easier and things start to hum. You begin to connect into to different energy from "stuck" and stuff starts to bubble.

Ding! The timer goes off. Put the list away and try not to look at it, or *god forbid* revise it in any way, for a day or two.

The point here is not to create some dang-foolish list that never sees the light of day.....BUT to open your mind to the idea that anything is possible and to help you become unstuck.

A few days later take out your list. Is there anything on the list that you hadn't really thought of until you were forced to write 100 things down? Any surprises?

The exercise is still not over yet because usually a sign pointing us in the right direction shows up a bit later. You're job now is to notice and to be aware of songs that you hear, a book that catches your eye, a color that reminds you of something, or an everyday comment when you're out and about. Anything, no matter how random or insignificant, can be a clue.

When I did this exercise a few years ago a common thread surfaced — I wanted to connect to and have my voice heard by a wider circle. I took two actionable steps that helped me out of my rut and eased my frustration. I joined Ocean State Toastmasters to hone my skills toward speaking at conferences and I started writing a book.

And it all started with my timer and 15 minutes!

If you don't have a timer — or misplaced yours, here is an online version that I use.

Tough Love is Self Love

 

How are you with saying "no" to others?

Do you often say "yes" when you'd rather say "no" — "no" because you can't do it, don't feel like it, or are just plain tired?

After a session with a client, I was thinking about Suzie Orman's phrase "Say No Out of Love Rather Than Yes Out of Fear".

Since women are the caregivers of the world we often find ourselves in the role of giving to others.

Yet, even good things become bad when they're overdone. We can find ourselves giving just because we think we "should" or because there's a well-worn rut in the road — it's become a habit.

Giving to others is great — please don't misunderstand me — it's just that we often give so much and so often that we tap ourselves out. Once we've completely drained ourselves our own pain and exhaustion finally grabs our attention and is followed by anger and resentment toward others.

How can you break this cycle for yourself?

1. Pay attention to your gut and the signals you get from it when you're asked to do something.
2. End the super-hero myth that says you have the ability to save everyone's problems.
   
3. Have the courage to say "no", even for tasks that you may have volunteered for in the past.
   
4. Keep your explanation short and sweet.

This exercise is a MUST for anyone who wants to re-frame their life and move ahead toward their desires and dreams/goals. It's a critical rung on the bridge from where you are now on your adventure to transforming your life to what you want it to be.

Practice tough love for yourself and make your life "an adventure to transformation" ™.

 
 

Change Your Scenery, Get Unstuck (It's Easy)

I find that shifting my focus — by being away from home and seeing new places — helps me to bring fresh perspectives and ideas to my life and business.

Traveling is one of the best remedies for me when I'm feeling bored, restless, stuck, flat.....or just that "same ol 'same ol'" blues.

Seeing this sculpture on Canyon Road in Santa Fe, NM today gave me reason to smile. It can be that easy!

What adventure are you off having this summer that is transforming your life? What works for you to help you get unstuck and renewed?